Is this a case of self-deprecation? It sure is.
Is it valid and warranted? You bet your sweet ass.
I’ve missed the boat so many times. I hindsight my life and think about all of the great “looks” I had throughout the years.
I’m in a good place right now. I cannot think of the last time I was broken, or felt that death would probably be better than living. But also, there was many a time where an opportunity was presented to me and I didn’t foresee how impactful it could’ve been for my life’s trajectory.
Off the top of my head I’ll mention a few instances that come to mind.
- I had an aunt who used to bring a guy with her to our family get-togethers. Looking back, they were probably lovers. But whatever. Anyhow, I remember a time when he was attempting to teach me MySQL and how to build databases. It was so long ago I don’t remember the specifics, but I ultimately got into coding and I could have been that much further along.
- In the early 2000’s I was offered Bitcoin. I didn’t research it, or read up on it, I just let the conversation about it go in one ear and right out the other. As a matter of fact, I probably have some Bitcoin somewhere that I will never have access to.
- I dated a girl once who would have been a perfect wife/life partner for me. She was everything an ideal mate is and I don’ say that looking back with rose colored glasses. She was beautiful, not over the top, natural, smart, supportive, tall, pretty hair, nerdy, and a ride-or-die. The reason it didn’t work out from my POV is that I saw her as kinda boring and at that point of my life everything was chaotic.
- I have an Adobe Flash file from the first cartoon I made back in 2007, I think (it could be earlier). I clearly was interested in animation but I didn’t stick with it. Now animation permeates my world. I can only think of how far I would have been had I stuck to it.
- Once I was at a bookstore in Hollywood looking at economic books and got approached by a guy who was gung ho about day-trading. What he was saying made sense, kind of. I was definitely interested in learning more at the time but I never followed up with him. I eventually got into investing but I think about how much further I could be had I started then.
Those are a few examples
FUCK. WWYD!?
I wonder if Ye ever has a moment of self reflection where he thinks about that right he made instead of the left, where it took him, and what the alternate outcome would have been. Or, if it’s just foot on the gas, no time for reflecting, on to the next destination.
That was just a random thought by the way. I do not live my life according to what I feel other would do in a given situation. But I do wonder if people like him ever allow themselves to have a moments where they feel dumb.
People say self talk is important. Should I just speak highly of myself? I wonder what Kobe and Jordan said to themselves when they lost.
This post is a result of my inner dialog from last nights walk. I thought back to who I was, what type of situations I was in, and how some of the things I wanted so bad to happen for me at those time would have almost certainly been my destruction.